The face.

Body Heat is Comforting.

This will be my tumblr since nobody will see it.

The XX.

The xx is a band that can make you double take upon hearing their soft spoken lyrics and heavy yet subtle beats that drive their music. Look at me I sound like a reviewer. I have turned to the xx recently because they are great for enhancing your depressing feelings by allowing room for introspection along side enjoyment of their music. Why might you ask am I talking about the xx, simple my life is depressing me. 

I have this friend.. Well I have two friends but either one could be that friend. Anyways, Octavio is a very homosexual person that I have known since freshman year, Russell was my best friend in kindergarten and then he left and after we would periodically see each other at ALPS. Octavio and I started to become closer to Russell recently (by that I mean all get high together and fuck shit up more or less) and a few nights ago Octavio called me at one forty in the morning drunk out of his mind. We started to talk about what had happened and at one point he blurted out: "Im not a virgin and I blew Russell, and he sucked my dick!" It was a lot to process that early in the morning especially since Russell is straight and he also sucked two gay dudes off. 

I am one of those people who doesn't give a shit; not in the fuck off I really couldn't care less way but rather the I don't judge, hang loose sort of guy. It's a way I wish more people would see me as because I feel like they'd  would be more fun since they don't have to worry. The problem with our culture today is that nobody wants to be laid back anymore, they all crave something that will make them feel like they are important enough to care about. They do this with by tethering to people and not allowing that person to live the fullest that they can because they will always have to worry about the person that keeps tethering onto them. It over complicates all of things that should be simple pleasures. Maybe this is why I don't want a relationship.

Back to the point. My life is filled with people that like dick, my friends are either gay or girls and although I love Octavio like a brother it was nice to have Russell as one of my best friends that was straight. We could talk about things... that are straight... or something like that. Although I don't give a shit and still look at Russell as a straight man, I can't help but feel that their gay experience has made the two closer and I don't know if Russell and I will be as close and it bums me the fuck out. I kind of have a man crush on Russell and wanted us to be like Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly in stepbrothers where they were best friends that just clicked. I didn't want to exclude Octavio because he is awesome and even though I don't tell him that enough it's something I don't want to lose. I wanted us all to be best friends but I don't know if that will happen now. 

When Octavio told me about his night with Russell, I had to stop and think so I turned on the xx and it all because glam rock history. I don't know where we stand, Russell and I, and it is incredibly frustrating to not have any contact with my two best friends to talk it out. Even if we were together, they probably wouldn't want to talk about it and it might just become awkward to the extreme. I need to keep my head clear and turn off the xx. They have been good to me but being depressed and pensive for too long just doesn't suit me very well, neither does cutting but that's another talk for another time.  

Christopher Michael Estrada